CS PURAM 7

MY LIFE – CS PURAM -7 We were too much worried about Sudhir. In history, there is not a single case of a schizophrenic who has recoverd from his illness and been rehabilitated. How can he be an excepton? This was like a wound.Some slight touch and it hurts. I never tried to hide this fact. All people in our cirle knew about it. I did not have the guts to ask for girl for my son. All are afraid of a mad man, though we are all mad to some extent. There are millions of people seeking His intervention,to help them against their fate. Can we expect Him to favour us against our enemy? I decided to do shayanapradakshinam, of our Shiva, of CS puram village, where the temple compound is full of shrubs, to be cleaned once in a while, during festival. I did not mind it. In the morning I had a dip in the river and went to the temple, in the wet condition with the bath towel arond my waiste. I made only one round. The pebbles and thorny weeds hurt me, but it was all right. When Murugan, the poojary saw me, he just smiled. I felt happy, as if He had actully seen me rolling in the ground, and felt pity for us helpless old father and mother. I was ready to spend the rest of my life in the village, as a sincere devotee. An old, pot bellied Krishna Iyer there, gave me a volume of Bhagavatam, with translation in simple Malayalam prose, in addition to the Samskritam text, which I was not very eager to read. Having nothing else to read, I began reading it and then found it very absorbing. The whole narration is in flash back. The motive is disenchantment with life. There was no news of Krishna, who had gone back to Dwaraka, after the end of the horrible war. Arjuna was sent to enquire about their savior, without whom, they would have lost the war. After six months, he returned, but could not face his brother. Why, what happened?- enquired the elder brother. Tears rolled down Arjuna’s cheeks. With much difficulty, he began; When I was coming back, ordinary ruffians attacked me. I was helpless. When I tried to use my Gandeev (the famous bow) I was unable to lift it. Dharmajan knew that Krishna was dead. This simple story contains the essence of the book. We are like earthen toys. Or like a kite, soaring higher and higher, when the wind is favouurable. In a moment, we come down like a stone ! Unable to understand this eternal truth, we go on wasting our energy in senseless quarrels. I resigned to my fate. I closed my intellectual box and concentrated on bhakti marga. Earlier, I had vainly tried to get some job, like that of the manager of a temple. The temple had plenty of assets, including rent of land etc. which they did not want to entrust to an audit man, who will definitely go into all the details, causing inconvenience to some of the committee members! I even thought of becoming poojary of Ayyapa temple at Haridwar!